Neurochemistry

I’m not sure how science describes it butsometimes a neuron seeking safe passage yetfinding nonesimplyenters black spacewhere nothing is thought or feltas reprieve from thinking,feeling too much.And in that spaceis only staticonly the humming oflost signals.Emptied, what canspeak or console?What can reconnect?Devils silenced, but sothe voice of angels.In this deadness no strong manneed cast theContinue reading “Neurochemistry”

The Story of a Brain: My life with Big O

As an school-aged child, I was very orderly. My family would say, immaculate. Everything had its place and I noticed it anything was out of place, even if it was only by a centimetre. I always kept my hair neat, patting it down with water to keep it from sticking up at the back. MyContinue reading “The Story of a Brain: My life with Big O”

Conversation with my son

At the sink he perchesatop his two-stepped seat to watcha morning routine that’s utterprose for me, discovery for him:how I wetthe shaving brush, lather soap,then smooth the jawlineof my beard, and howI brush my teeth withoutprotest, without needingto eat the toothpaste with each brush.And then how I openthe mirrored cabinet and takemy pill-cutter, splitEscitalopram inContinue reading “Conversation with my son”

Coronavirus, with OCD

Wash your hands; don’t touch your face. Did I wash my hands, and did I touch my face after? Before? Don’t be afraid but be aware. Wash your hands; don’t touch your face. These sightless microbes swim in air. Your nose is dripping. Touch your face. Wash your hands. Don’t be afraid. It all mayContinue reading “Coronavirus, with OCD”

Advent 23: In Darkness

…he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.(Psalm 143:3 KJV) One Christmas,my brother and I sleeping onfold-out beds in our grandparents’ living room,I found myself awakewell past the usual hour, andmy thoughts like the room plungedin obsessive black, savefor a red electric glow from someunidentified source, I knewContinue reading “Advent 23: In Darkness”

Retreat

…yo​u will not find my actual life in these pages so much as my thoughts on the graces Our Lord has given me. I have reached the stage now where I can afford to look back; in the crucible of trials from within and without, my soul has been refined, and I can raise myContinue reading “Retreat”

No Ghosts This Year Concludes, and a Christmas Gift

Well, today is the last day of Advent, and so it is time for me to wrap up my Advent story for the year. If you’ve been following the story so far, you can read the last instalment below. But, if you’re new to this year’s story you can read the rest of it, plusContinue reading “No Ghosts This Year Concludes, and a Christmas Gift”

No Ghosts This Year #10

There was nothing else he could tell Pa now. Nothing else, because words could not convey the kind of knowledge he now held. It was knowledge of an utterly certain though intangible kind, yet it carried with it also the equally palpable certainty that none would believe it. He could not tell you how heContinue reading “No Ghosts This Year #10”

No Ghosts This Year #5

A knock on the door. The door began to open. He hurriedly poked his head out from under the covers. It was Sarah. “What are you doing?” she asked, looking a little oddly at him. “Nothing,” he mumbled. “Just reading.” “Under the covers?” “Yeah, why not?” “No reason.” A pause. He slipped the book underContinue reading “No Ghosts This Year #5”

Mental Health November Week 4: No, you’re not “just a bit OCD”

Wanting to keep things neat and tidy is not OCD. Straightening crooked pictures is not OCD. Demarcating your work-space clearly is not OCD. All of these things might point to OCD but they could just as likely not. Having invasive, repeated and unwanted thoughts that drive you to perform compulsions in an attempt to controlContinue reading “Mental Health November Week 4: No, you’re not “just a bit OCD””